WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]

I think that’s at least approximately correct. Not sure I trust my judgement on my own emotions though. I still just use my birthname, boymode for work, etc and I’ve been aware I’m trans for a few years at this point. But it was over I realized I wanted an orchi and never considered that it might somehow be related to gender.

People who have clear interests that contrast my own make it much easy to realize my own thoughts are not that of a cis men. Given the pressure cis men are put under to pretend they like being cis men, I couldn’t trust them to be honest*, so seeing others’ thoughts was helpful. So thanks for saying you actually want a penis?

*sorry to anyone who I accidentally laughed because I thought you were making fun of masculinity rather than earnestly embracing it because I couldn’t imagine someone actually wanting that.

if I’m even allowed to call myself trans when it’s not exactly feasible for me to get bottom surgery.

Being trans isn’t just about surgeries. If you feel there’s a mismatch between the gender people assigned you and your actual gender or sex, you’re more than welcome to use the label if its useful for you. I know some agender people explicitly opt-out of the trans label (I used to be in that camp), and I think its fine to think “trans” doesn’t serve any useful purpose in discussions with most people and not use it if you think it’ll just confuse people more than it conveys meaningful information about yourself. It could even be context-dependent what labels you prefer, similar to how A-spec microlabels might only be something you talk about within A-spec or broadly queer communities.

Before I had any clue I was trans, I used to avoid listing “they/them” as pronouns (and therefore avoided pronouns in general) because I was worried it could be seen as taking something important for NBs and appropriating it. I don’t know if I’m seen a single NB who has ever expressed such an idea and if anything, I think people would find it more offensive to think they would be so gatekeepy.

There’s a lot of people who are “okay” with trans people, but when you ask them about any actual policy, they side with transphobes. Many people who are self-reportedly “comfortable” with trans people still think women should be forced to use the men’s restroom, for example. They’ll support bans on coverage of medical care for trans people. They’ll continue to deadname or misgender those trans people. Etc.

So many people like to believe they’re not a bigot when they’re not. If you asked my parents if they’re racist, for example, they’d say “no” without hesitation and believe it. But then they’ll say things like black people are dangerous and assume someone is likely to kill them just because of their skin color, complain about black people using welfare and how white people are discriminated against, etc.