I cannot believe I did this ! But there I was on the surgery table, about to receive anaesthetics. And all the anxiety that had been building up suddenly became just too much.
I’m not quite sure why I did it yet. All I know is I tore up the consent document and started crying, crying without being able to stop.
The nurses have been very nice with me, they got me a warm blanket and were very gentle and supportive. The surgeon a little less so, I’m not sure he’ll let me come back. He said the next spot they can offer me will be three years from now.
I still think I want to do this ? But not today. Not today. I don’t feel capable of going through with it today. I felt like I was going to DIE on that table.
I think I need a therapist to process this. I don’t understand my emotions at ALL yet.
I’m transfemme and post op. Yeah, lots of big emotions approaching that table, and I’m so sorry that they hit you all then and there.
Take your time and definitely do not rush!!! Therapy is an excellent call, it sounds like you need to really delve into what it is you need. Be absolutely sure you feel comfortable with your surgeon. Be absolutely sure you’re ready. Be absolutely sure you have support for after the surgery as well, because the recovery really sucks.
It’s not all flowers and roses on the other side either. My surgeon was truly excellent and did a great job, but I had a couple weird complications and a bad UTI, and there are some things I don’t like about how things turned out. But there were so many things and health problems I had that came from being pre op too, and it was certainly way worse for me before surgery. At the end, big and complicated feelings. Take good care of yourself and be sure to really get introspective about it all, okay? If it’s right for you, great. If not, also great.