I cannot believe I did this ! But there I was on the surgery table, about to receive anaesthetics. And all the anxiety that had been building up suddenly became just too much.

I’m not quite sure why I did it yet. All I know is I tore up the consent document and started crying, crying without being able to stop.

The nurses have been very nice with me, they got me a warm blanket and were very gentle and supportive. The surgeon a little less so, I’m not sure he’ll let me come back. He said the next spot they can offer me will be three years from now.

I still think I want to do this ? But not today. Not today. I don’t feel capable of going through with it today. I felt like I was going to DIE on that table.

I think I need a therapist to process this. I don’t understand my emotions at ALL yet.

  • ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.comEnglish
    3·
    10 hours ago

    You just gotta man up /S

    It’s a pretty serious procedure and a non-reversible, life-changing one at that. All surgeries have risks, and it’s okay to be scared. You can try to work through it and try again, and you can also weigh the discomfort and anxiety you feel about surgery against the discomfort and anxiety you feel about your anatomy; it’s not like surgery is a requirement or anything.

    I’m sorry the surgeon wasn’t as empathetic and the nurses; though that’s usually the case for some reason… The wait time is unfortunately not unprecedented; I don’t think it’s intended as a punishment or anything. Trans care is really underserviced.

    But yeah, if you still want to, then def try again. I found it helpful to learn about anaesthesia and the what the anaesthesiists do to take care of you, and take some comfort in how knowledgeable and prepared everyone there is. They’ve got a lot of contingencies and plans for what to do if something goes wrong. Those brief moments of danger are what they train for and always think about.