I cannot believe I did this ! But there I was on the surgery table, about to receive anaesthetics. And all the anxiety that had been building up suddenly became just too much.
I’m not quite sure why I did it yet. All I know is I tore up the consent document and started crying, crying without being able to stop.
The nurses have been very nice with me, they got me a warm blanket and were very gentle and supportive. The surgeon a little less so, I’m not sure he’ll let me come back. He said the next spot they can offer me will be three years from now.
I still think I want to do this ? But not today. Not today. I don’t feel capable of going through with it today. I felt like I was going to DIE on that table.
I think I need a therapist to process this. I don’t understand my emotions at ALL yet.
That was the right choice, and it must have taken a great deal of courage to stop the surgery when you did. Its good you didn’t go through a surgery you didn’t feel 100% ready for. I’m proud of you for trusting your instincts.
Take your time to think this through. Its much safer to explore these feelings as anxieties, than risk exploring these feelings as regrets. Take care. <3