I was watching a nature documentary last week. Rattlesnakes are some kinky motherfuckers. When the male approached the female to mate, the first thing she did was smack his head around with her tail. Then when it was time for copulation, she wrapped her tail around the male’s penis and dragged him by it to their mating spot.

I once dated a guy who was an extreme sub, who really wanted me to put him in a dog cage while I went off to work (I didn’t do it, I wasn’t ready for that level of kink at the time.) I think he would’ve been down for a rattlesnake-style mating ritual.