Was wondering what people think about the label “lesbian” and what it means, and who should or shouldn’t use it.
There was someone on Bluesky who was upset when they learned I sometimes identify as a lesbian because I’m a woman in a long term relationship with a woman, even though I’m technically bisexual. (I’ve only ever dated women, would only ever want to date women.)
They said I was appropriating the label “lesbian”, that I was lesbophobic, and that I was communicating that it’s shameful to be bisexual. (For clarity, I don’t hide that I’m bi, I will identify that way in some contexts, and in others I will identify as a lesbian - usually I identify as lesbian around straight people, and among LGBT+ folks I’m more likely to identify as bi or communicate more about my sexuality; tbh it doesn’t come up much, and my sexual orientation not a big part of how I like to identify).
I tend to think a label like “lesbian” communicates a sexual or romantic relationship between two women, so I’m surprised to interact with someone who was so rigid about the label that it cannot apply to someone who is even capable of opposite-sex attraction …
I’m not sure I would ever date a man, so sometimes “lesbian” or “sapphic” are labels that feel more accurate to who I am than a term like bisexual, which implies more openness than I actually have. It’s also irrelevant for me since I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship with a woman, from the perspective of others in my life, I have been and will continue to be a lesbian …
I just wonder where the rigidity comes from, and why the person thought I was lesbophobic. I wasn’t able to ask her or learn about her perspective, so I was hoping someone would help me understand wtf just happened, lol
Words mean what we use them to mean.
“Lesbian” and “Saphic” both come from Sapho of Lesbos, who wrote a lot of poetry involving woman-man and woman-woman relationships. Under modern definitions, most people would likely call her bisexual.
Lesbian is typically used to describe woman-woman relationships/orientations, but, with historical context, doesn’t really align with exclusively woman-woman relationships/orientations.
If you follow the strict, modern definition, Sapho of Lesbos would not be lesbian.
There are also different orientations that could be described as lesbian. The main orientations that seem relevant in this case are romantic lesbian and sexual lesbian.
Based on your post, it sounds like you are romantically a lesbian, but probably sexually bi. (You don’t have to identify this way, that’s all up to you, and I don’t know you well enough to say this with any confidence).
In short, words don’t have inherent meaning. Call yourself what you’re comfortable with.