Important to note: I have OCD, and I seem to have this obsession with the idea of me being transphobic. I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I have known this for years, and I try my best to support everyone. I have a lot of trans friends, I love them a lot, and treat them and see them as I would anyone else.
So, I feel like I’m transphobic. Is there any evidence of this? No. I’ve been a vocal supporter about LGBTQ+ rights for years, including trans rights, but I’ve recently become increasingly anxious at the thought of me being transphobic.
This likely stems from my questioning of my own gender, often times I feel that I am not quite male, maybe that I’m nonbinary or genderfluid. I mentioned this to my nonbinary friend, and they said “you don’t seem nonbinary”. This sent me spiraling, questioning my own gender and identity, and questioning if I was transphobic for believing that I was nonbinary (or possibly genderfluid, as at times I feel very comfortable being male, but at others I feel a lot more feminine).
At some point, I have to accept the fact that this is delusion, but I still really feel like I need guidance/assurance. I do not really know what to do about this.
(ANOTHER WORRY I HAVE is acting so paranoid and making it seem like I think trans people are going to cancel me and ruin my life if I say anything wrong, like a lot of transphobic people claim and act like. This is NOT AT ALL my intention, but I know I probably come off that way.)
About 6 years ago, I first considered putting they/them as my pronouns on twitch, but was afraid it was would be seen as offensive to NBs. About 4 years ago, I came out to my brother that I suspected I was trans and his immediate reaction was skepticism because I hadn’t shown any signs (I was busy trying to hide them from myself). I think its normal to be worried about not being trans enough and worry that using such labels will somehow seem transphobic. But I don’t think such fears are actually based on real concerns. If you in any way feel you don’t identify entirely with one binary gender, then you get to use the NB label. Could be fluid, bigender, agender, librafem, libramasc, etc.