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So, how many slaps to cook Stephen Miller?
As your friendly neighborhood person with knowledge about food and cooking, 2 pounds is an absurd weight for an uncooked rotisserie chicken, that is a very small and cooked weight, 4-6 pounds is going to be typical. Also, more importantly, you cannot cook something faster by increasing the temperature past a pretty quick point, meat is an excellent insulator. No slap can cook the inside of a frozen chicken unless the entire chicken disintegrates.
Tbf though, a slap at 3700 mph would absolutely disintegrate the chicken.
Shredded chicken it is
And your hand
Gotta love how everyone forgot about Newton in all this. Enjoy your instantly well-cooked hand, which is also made of meat.
Double the food. Sweet!
Fucking nerds in the commentsl love it
No one’s going to point out the absurd starting assumption KE=mcT??
Why is that absurd?
You need a perfect transfer of the kinetic energy to the chicken for that to hold, not a slap
Is that less or more the energy of your average Falcon Punch?
What if I wanted to cook the chicke through friction, by say inserting an object 3 fingers or so thick in and out of its cavity as fast as athletically possible? … so um… how long should I keep fucking my chicken?
Math says it’ll take more than 2 minutes, so unfortunately it’s out of reach for you
alternatively, how long do I have to keep choking my chicken to cook it?
Lord have mercy on folks cooking their chicken to 400 F. Those birds will come out as dry as the sands of the Sahara.
https://youtu.be/hzMzFGgmQOc?t=285
“well done steaks. if I see a speck of red, it’s going back. you better cook my food”.
Signed, a well done meat enjoyer.
I mean, false equivalency, don’t you think? I have yet to meet an enjoyer of medium-rare chicken, probably because the Salmonella or Listeria already took them out
But how do you get the chicken back from the stratosphere once you’ve slapped it that fast?
You start in the stratosphere and slap it down towards the Earth.
Smh it’s like these people have never slapped a chicken before
Better to slap it twice at half strength so that it’s cooked when you catch it.
Lmao
205°C 😂😂😂
Common sense and physicists are common enemies
I confirm this as a physics PhD. I also understand exactly this thinking of assuming a system is in thermal equilibrium where it is far from it (like a chicken in am oven).
Maybe they like their chicken fucking black
Well otherwise it has to stay at some 100 degrees for quite a long time to consider it cooked
You need the chicken to be 165F or 74C to be food safe. It takes a long time to cook at 100-200C because the heat is being transferred much slower. If we’re using this instant slap-based cooking method, it only needs to get to the food safe temperature.
Using the OP’s calculations and a cooked temperature of 74C:
It would take 8315 average slaps
or
A slap at around 813m/s or 1819mph.
*Edit for a correction to the second calculation (it still might be wrong), also, I rounded the numbers to whole integers.
I rounded the numbers to whole integers
whole integers, the best kind of integers
Look, I just finished my medical board exams recently. My brain is running on the power of about 2/3rds of a yukon gold potato here.
Typical physicist, ignoring enthalpy of phase changes. Starting from 1C defrosted makes a huge difference from 0C as the melting takes up a ton more energy/slaps. Their underslapped chicken would give you salmonella
They haven’t considered rate of slap. Significant heat transfer to environment even at 10 slaps per second.
They’re also assuming sea level standard atmospheric conditions. You may need to reduce rate of slap at altitude.
Also only about half the heat goes into the chicken and the other half into the hand used for slapping
I believe we’re well on our way to developing the worlds first slap coefficient.
Also completely neglecting that not all the energy in a slap will be transferred to thermal energy in the chicken.
Assume a spherical chicken…
Slap the salmon
And the phase change from uncooked to cooked.
Where do I find cooked in the phase diagram?
🤔
Also at room temperature, the average speed of atoms in the material is at 400 m/s, at least for a gas. That might give you a hint.
A guy on YT actually tried it experimentally a few years ago (how many slaps, not how fast one slap); and it works to some degree! The main problem becomes to make a slapping machine that can survive long enough:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHFhnnTWMgI&pp=ygURc2xhcCBjb29rIGNoaWNrZW7SBwkJzgkBhyohjO8%3D
He also did a turkey a couple years after that for “slapsgiving”
YouTube is truly a wonder of stupidity. Sometimes in good ways
This slap question was a big meme several years ago, and when that video came out (years after the meme), it was an instant hit.
The fact that this discussion is still going shows how popular it is
IDK, might be laying the groundwork for future kinetic cookers.
Bro really wanted his chicken well done at 400°F
Naw, that’s burnt.
Maillard reaction where things brown starts at 350f.
More than 165/175 in the center and that’s dried out.
I saw your username first.
Then I misread the rest as a Mallard Reaction.
that only happens in ducks
The mallard reaction is only relevant when cooking duck.
If you spatchcock your bird then you’ve only gotta slap your cock to about 150°F at the thickest part of breast
naturally. Best to slow it down and keep it juicy, too. I like smoking them at about 200 f, it’s perfection.
also… way to make spatchcocking sound even dirtier than it is. the no cooks here are probably thinking it’s some sort of sex act and the rest of us are wondering if it’s not also some sort of sex act.
spatchcocked birds also kinda look like a random roadkill animal to the ignorant, idk if you care about who sees you grillin
Cook your hand too 😄
